Our last day in Japan! I talk about what exactly a maid cafe is from personal experience.. is it seedy? And then there's packing hacks too, one of which that really worked for me. Lastly, I'll tell you how not to get stranded in Tokyo with no money or phone like I did... nearly.
Wooo, we made it! All three of us.. me and the two of you that read these blogs. You two have to fully accept the blame for the hours, if not days, possibly even weeks of my life that I've lost to the obligation to finish this series while knowing you're there! Nah, i'm only joking, as a dyslexic I enjoy the torture of writing stuff and it taking several times as long as the average human, it's like some sort of sado-masochism kink or something, but it has served me well in learning everything they failed to teach me at school, albeit with bad grammar. I still couldn't tell you what a verb, adverb etc is.. who has time to remember that crap when you're writing pointless blogs as a hobby? Right until you try to learn Japanese, and they then reference verbs, adjectives n stuff. Being dyslexic it should be easy to learn Japanese right, because they speak like Yoda compared to us, and it's widely considered as the furtherest language from English, but in reality that's just not how dyslexia works. I can't do English but choose to try and learn different languages too.. it must be a sado-masochism kink! Anyways, day 17..
We did bugger all! The end.
That's not strictly true, aside from the suitcase, I took just a handful of must take shots, albeit somewhat casually and half arsed, and with the 6th (which is only a handful if you're a Birmingham City supporter), being that of the outside of the maid cafe that we visited.
Basically, and in order of them being shot as per the above gallery, my thinking went like this: 1) Aki station with the Manga lady poster thing out front, because that is Akihabara to a tee, and train stations are life in Japan, plus it was only about 5 minutes from where we stayed.
2) A beautifully shiny tin truck.. it's probably not made out of tin, but details details. Like Coca-Cola lorries, these are just aesthetically pleasing, don't ya think? They're everywhere in Japan and I hadn't taken a photo of one I liked yet, and here she was, just sitting pretty much outside our hotel. Obviously the Japanese signage helps the context.
3) Gacha - Now gachapon, you'll either love or hate these stupid (probably) rip-offs, but they're a part of Japanese culture. Japan has a lot of legalised kiddie gambling that isn't classified as gambling under the guise of lotteries (or crane & arcade games of course) where you buy tickets (Kuji) with the chance to win stuff better than your ticket price. Gacha is like the bottom rung of "wellll, lets splash money on it 'for fun' and see if the crap I get is worth more than what I spent, or is what I want". It's basically a mystery toy in a plastic vending machine, kinda like we have rubber ball ones back home, but here you can get a crazy toy.. weird toys... potentially even adult toys. These are loved by kids and adults alike (not the adult toys, but they're probably not overly supervised either if kids really wanted). It's the thrill of the chase and the mystery, so much so that there are shops dedicated to them over more than one floor, and many other places have several machines in their store randomly too.
When I say toys by the way, we're talking anything from the mundane of a mini traffic sign that may or may not be cool enough to be battery lit (and work), a bridge, or even a mini building site that you can make if you collect all 6 pieces and don't get duplicates. Maybe it's a cat standing on its head aloft a toilet bowl while wearing a t-shirt that says I've love BJ's, and with a party hat on its bum - now I may have made that one up, but I assure you, some are way more random and unfathomable than that! Basically, the machine has pictures of what you could get on the front, and then you choose to waste your money on that machine in the hope that you can get the one thing that you wanted on the front, or god forbid, you keep going until you get every thing in the collection while smiling through the gritted teeth of fun of the numerous duplicates you'll mostly likely encounter instead They're usually about 200 to 400 yen - 400 yen being roughly £2. So they're cheap and cheerful, but they do add up should you get an addiction.. and there are premium ones with better toys too.
If you want to waste hours of your life on not writing blogs, there are thousands of videos on Kuji, Gacha and arcade games turned in to mini competitions between friends, lovers and mortal enemies on YouTube, of people playing them all over Japan. Speaking of which, I'm the kinda person that has them on in the background while procrastinating, so I couldn't leave Japan without winning a figure on an arcade type machine. I probably spent more than it was worth, in fact I know I did, but I've also been chasing a god-damn Jurassic Park T-Rex on a crane game back home too. I've been witnessing kids winning on their second try while I live 10 minutes away, and I'm like "a cheeky quid while I'm here in town, i'll get it one day", and I could have probably bought it 3 times already in the local shop that sells them. Bastards. I hate kids. I swear they have height sensors, I've been tempted to play it on my knees. Anyways, the point I was getting to here is, that unlike UK arcades that will just fleece you for as much money as possible, in Japan, the arcade attendants will come over after you've spent enough for them to make a few quid, and make it easier for you to get it, in fact, they'll give you advice and look after the machine as you go to break a note for change when you still fuck up - that's pretty cool. Also, if a machine has more than one prize in it, but only one is in play, you can ask them to swap it out for the other, or they'll even recentre it if it's been pushed to a near unplayable place too rather than laughing hysterically behind yen sign eyes - it's a far more user-friendly and rewarding waste of money than here in the UK.
4) This was going to be a really quick piece in the blog - it hasn't turned out that way, has it!? Well yeah, this is just a mascot funny figure thing that adorns the top of a random machine. Again, mascots and crazy cartoon figures is just Japan all over.
5) Well technically 6 for those Birmingham City fans, as this wasn't a must take shot, but that's the building for the maid cafe that we visited - which we'll cover later (there's a later you say? Jesus Christ..) in the blog.
6) You have to take a picture or several of the local taxies when in a different country. That's just an unwritten rule of travelling.. although come to think of it, I don't think I did in Barcelona. I'm a fraud! Ohh, I get to write the Barcelona blogs next, so stick around and make me hate my life a little more!
Packing Hacks
You've probably gathered that between the cafe, the 6 photos, and packing the suitcases, that, that didn't take me all day. Now I can't remember if today was the day that I won said figure on the arcade, but we pretty much spent the day doing our own things like that and then buying the last of our souvenirs or prezzies for people. I'll shove most (all I remember and that aren't edible) in one last blog on Japan, which will probably also contain loads of stuff I snapped on my phone (assuming I still have it all), and of course my conclusions on whether i'd go back etc. Anyways, suitcase tips! We flew BA and had a two case allowance alongside our carry on - even in economy. I imagine as it's a long haul, they're kinder and expect you to go ham with the buying. I think the weight limit each was 23kg, and also it was 23kg for hand luggage, which is actually quite crazy! It was 10kg for my Barcelona trip, not that they weighed my carry on on either trip! Some people bring two cases, with one being empty, and some people buy an extra one over there.. and some people like Marc bring a roller bag. I wanted a hard shell because I knew I was gonna buy hella stuff that I didn't want broken, but I also flat packed a rucksack in it because it could be both practical and double up as a second checked in baggage for the journey home. That concept ended up working perfect for me, and it was only a smallish rucksack, too. We washed as we went, so could I pretty much get everything I packed clothes-wise in said rucksack, and clothes don't break - genius.
Other than a few presents I bought from the UK for people in Japan that I didn't get to dish out, and the chargers and every day necessities without batteries, my suitcase was pretty much empty for all the goodies I wanted to buy, and after sticking the clothes elsewhere, it came in under 23kg. Add in the 23kg limit on carry on for anything electronical I bought, and I was laughing, not least because I probably could have brought a fourth 'personal' bag that fits under the seat in front. I used this trick for only bringing carry on to and from Barcelona by sticking my clothes in the 'personal bag'. On the way to Japan, my actual chunky camera bag full of electronics and lenses actually also fit under the seat in front, and for Jet2 (Barca) at least, that was their only stipulation on the 'personal' bag. I asked prior to going for a weight limit, size, and description, and their customer service could only confirm that they had no rules other than it had to fit under the seat. It's a massive airline hack that you can take advantage of, but just ensure that neither of your carry on's, errr, I mean your carry on and personal bag, look bigger than their measurers and what's aoutlined on their site.
Airlines do vary, though, so this may not be the case on Easy Jet who like to rinse you for everything, and given I didn't need to do this for Japan because of the massive limits, I'm not 100% sure if they had a 'personal bag' rule like Jet2 do, but it's a fantastic trick to remember if they do! As mentioned, just check the rules on their site so you don't get stung with a crazy fee for extra luggage, and always obey the top end weight limit for checked in baggage as they won't physically take bags heavier because of the risk to machinery and to the manual workers handling them.
Maidreaming - maid cafe
If you've been or seen anything on Japan, especially on Akihabara, you will know that maid cafes are a thing, but you probably aren't 100% sure of what they're all about. It can be quite secretive, in that on the most part, maids do not like being videoed or having their photo taken.. and that just adds to the seedy vibes as you engage you imagination and speculate as to why. After all, in Akihabara, maids line the streets less than three metres apart touting for business.. tens, if not hundreds by the time you've walked both sides of the road and then down some side streets. It seems a crazy seedy thing given girls in uniform try to beckon you in to their café as you walk past, and yet they don't want their picture taken despite it being all above board, right.. or are they, and is it really seedy?
A maid cafe is like a safe for work strip joint, but nobody strips.. or at least I'm assuming it is, as even as a guy of now 40, I've genuinely never been to a strip club. Rather than take off their clothes for entertainment, their job is to be as kawaii (cute) as possible yet refer to you as a master or mistress, or an equivalent title of which can be specific to different branded maid cafes. That's about a seedy as it gets, as master etc does have kink connotations in an adult world, but ultimately they're there to serve and entertain you, but it's all above board - probably. I don't doubt that there are smaller seedier joints, much like there are things and 'extras' that go on in the backrooms of some strip clubs, but that'll be smaller more independent chains no doubt, and the majority on the commercial streets are legit bundles of stupid joy/weird. Having said that, don't confuse your maids on the streets with other tourist traps plying similar tactics. I've watched enough Japanese themed YouTube to know that there are bars rather than cafés that do similar things, and they are designed to get you to spend money by buying silly priced drinks for both you and the girls, of which they've probably then embelished said drinks too so you don't realise you're being over charged and ripped off - it may be Japan where everyone is supposedly lovely, polite and sweet, but humans are human, and it does happen.
There is an option in maid cafes too, however, where you can buy the girls a bottle of champers, but on the most part they don't drink it. They pretty much just give it to the client if they choose to crack it open - we actually saw this happen. I think there may be cases where they can save it for later, and to show it's appreciated they'll do tiktok reels and Instagram posts to show they've been bought one and are thankful while lavishing the client with cuteness appreciation. I imagine, being a business that they probably just keep it sealed and after the client has gone resell it rather than actually giving it to the girls, as I've heard they're not always the best morally when it comes to pay, but again, that could be smaller chains. And that's why I think it's probably like strip bars, because there is definitely an element of the lonely older fellow buying the girls stuff and maybe having his favourites that he comes back to.
For this whole experience, you pay a cover fee just to enter, so consider that fee just for the niche entertainment with no bells and whistles and to be treated like a 'master' and have the kawaiiness. Then on top, you're also paying slightly elevated prices for mass-produced middle of the road food and drink that are just atheistically presented and served to you in a cute manner. The service wasn't great, we had to remind them a few times of missed orders, but there's also cafes on more than one floor in these densely packed places, where I imagine a company as big a Maidreaming will have a kitchen producing food for all several floors at once - I wouldn't be surprised if they ran between buildiings. You can also buy Polaroids of the girls, or a Polaroid in real time with the girls, or just pay them to dance or sing on stage.. there's a bunch of perks designed to get someone wanting to part with their money for either just the hell of a crazy experience for the tourist, or, as suggested, for the lonely businessman to let off steam and be the centre of attention with his favourite girl(s). Then there's stuff like just buying some cat ears that you can wear while eating for the cuteness and to elevate said experience. It's supposed to be fun, not seedy, yet absolutely and intrinsically Japanese, which is why tourists, and both men and women alike, flock to these places to just enjoy a slice of the crazy culture.
In fact, the first one we went to was sold out, which was in a different building, but the one we ended up in was the same company (I think) and only around the corner, such is the crazy maid culture in Akihabara. When we got there, a Japanese couple (or maybe just friends) who arrived at the same time as us were excited to get in and couldn't either. Another example of women being totally cool with the culture and quirk of it all here. The guy could speak pretty good English, so he insisted on taking us to another good one (in his words) and handled the formalities of chatting to the reception. English was definitely not a language most of the maids spoke much of despite attracting so many tourists, and Google got lost in translation a couple of times.. much to our amusement of trying to understand what the maid was asking of us.
Anyways, back to them not liking their photos taken, they did actually ask me to record the above video "from the neck down", and despite having my gear on me, I didn't ask to take pics, although there are plenty of videos on YouTube where people have and been in cafes and allowed to film. I think the no photos thing is probably to help sell the Polaroids, but it's also partly down to the fact that it's just a job to get by and isn't the shining statement to be proud of for most on their CV, either way, when you're walking down the street, don't go sticking a camera in their faces without asking. Even if you're casually blogging with the camera facing you, you will find many will cover their faces with the leaflets that they're handing out, or strategically turn away from the camera and even hide behind trees etc just so they're not in your shot. Japan are pretty hot on respecting privacy despite the Idol culture, which arguably you could say that maid work is some sort of graveyard for failed idols too. I'll let you read up on Japanese Idols as this blog is way longer than intended already!
and finally.. Trains & Suica Card
Day 17 ended our Japan journey fittingly in a maid cafe, while day 18 just saw us heading out to the airport in the morning.. and not without it's complications for me!
I was sure I had enough money left on my Suica card to get me from Tokyo to the airport. I didn't. I've covered Suica cards loads in previous blogs to not want to go into details, but for those who ain't seen them and are from the UK, it's like a much more useful version of the Oyster card if you will. Anyways, which is my favourite word when writing blogs.. anyways, I couldn't get through the barrier, but the others did. The assumed I'd already got on the train rather than couldn't get through, so they left without me. Bastards. I no longer had any paper cash, and you can rarely top up your Suica by card, and my phone ran out a few days prior as I only has a two-week sim. I'm now stranded in Tokyo trying to avoid a mild panic and think my way out by using the Buddhism meditation and ninja skills I'd acquired over the last two weeks.
Fortunately, the stations have Wifi, so I was able to eventually get hold of the guys when they came out the other end of the tunnels, but less fortunately, finding someone who could point me to a machine that would top up my card with a card or the coins I had left, or even a kiosk worker that would, was impossible. They me sent up, around corners, down, and around other corners, and through this maze of a station, just seemingly looking to pass me off to the next person in the next part where this holy grail top up by card or coin could take place. No one really seemed interested or thought it was possible no matter how many I went around and tried to communicate with them that I ain't got enough paper money for a machine, so why can't I use my coins at this, which I'm assuming is a ticket booth. Eventually, one of the guys on a desk gave in and helped put the few last 100 yen I did have left on my Suica. Crisis over. I probably could have got paper money out at a combini if shit really hit the fan, but it was needless stress to think about when I've been using coins in vending machines for the last 17 days and don't have the moral support of the fam-a-lam who have fucked off without ya.
Finally, through the gates and on the platform, thankfully the signage for the trains was colour coded with the destinations written on the platform itself showing you where to queue given it's serving the airport. Japan being Japan, the doors for that specific train will only open where that queue is, so even if these queues are next to each other separated by no more than a paint line and with not so much as a few inches margin for error, the doors for the train that you need, will only open in your colour queue, and thus, you will know you're on the right train.. right after working that much out after staring at the digital screen written entirely in Japanese and thinking, "oh fuck, here we go". For clarity and for any non UK people who may have wandered across this, over here in the UK, you're lucky if your train stops within a train length away from where you're standing on the platform, and in about a 15-minute window of when it was supposed to. Still after all this, I could now chill and had enough money left on my Suica to empty if on a cute chocolate lolly at the airport - what, I don't, because I haven't accounted for tax to be added on, despite us being in the duty-free area of the 'port? I need to pay by credit card of a 85yen chocolate lolly. Bastards!
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